How to be a single mom: Finding balance in everyday life

Being a single mom can be fulfilling but comes with its own set of challenges. It means being the sole parent, house manager, nurse, nurturer, protector, teacher, cook-on-demand, cheerleader, friend, personal shopper, social director, diplomat, and so on while in some cases balancing a career. 

The physical, financial, mental, and emotional demands can be overwhelming. It can feel like there are never enough hours in the day to meet every need.

It’s hard not to feel isolated sometimes, but you are not alone. In this article, the goal is simple: to equip you with practical tips and advice on how to be a single mom, drawing from life lessons of others as you adjust to this new chapter. 

Adjusting to single mom life

When you transition to single motherhood, you may experience a mix of emotions: relief, sadness, anxiety, empowerment, or even guilt. Hence, it’s crucial to approach this transition with patience and self-compassion.

Embrace your new role

Give yourself permission to feel the way you feel without judgment. Recognize that they are a natural part of the transition. Acknowledge that stepping into the single mom role takes immense strength and remind yourself that you're doing something courageous.

See your new role as an opportunity for growth, not a loss. You are now responsible for creating a life that fits you and your child’s needs. Surround yourself with supportive people who acknowledge the challenges you are facing. (More on this later in the article)

Don’t lose yourself

It’s easy to get caught up in your role as a mother, but don't forget about your identity as an individual. Take time to reconnect with the person you were before motherhood. Invest in things that bring you joy and fulfillment outside your role as a parent. Identify goals, such as career advancements or personal achievements. Achieving them can reinforce your sense of self-worth and independence.

Manage stress and anxiety

Being a single mom can cause heightened stress, from financial worries to balancing work and childcare. Incorporate mindfulness practices to reduce anxiety, improve focus, and foster a sense of control over your life. If you are overwhelmed, reach out to a therapist or counselor to help you process your emotions and develop coping strategies.

Establish new routines

Establishing a consistent routine is one of the most impactful ways to adjust to the life of a single mom. Set routines for getting ready in the morning and winding down in the evening. These rituals help bring a sense of predictability to your day.

However, don’t throw flexibility out the door. It allows you to roll with the punches and avoid unnecessary stress when things don’t go as planned.

Time management tips for single moms

With work, parenting, household tasks, and self-care, effective time management is not just about getting things done; it’s about creating balance and reducing stress. These practical tips will help you manage your time effectively.

Identify your core priorities

As a single mom, it can be easy to feel like you have to manage everything at once. To avoid getting overwhelmed, break down your responsibilities and identify your core priorities.

• List your non-negotiables. These tasks must be done daily or weekly, such as your child’s school pick-up and drop-off, work commitments, or meal prep. Focus your energy on these.
• Next, separate urgent from important. Not everything urgent is important, and not everything important is urgent. Categorize tasks into:
  
  • Urgent and important: Tasks that need immediate attention (e.g., an important work deadline, a child’s doctor appointment).
  • Not urgent but important: Long-term goals (e.g., meal planning, self-care, financial planning).
  • Urgent but not important: Tasks that could be delegated (e.g., an invitation you need to respond to).
  • Not urgent and not important: Low-priority activities (e.g., mindlessly scrolling through social media).

Delegate and outsource when possible

You can’t do everything yourself, and trying to do so will burn you out. If your children are old enough, involve them in chores or ask them to help with simple tasks like setting the table or folding laundry. This will teach them responsibility while easing your workload.

If financially feasible, hire an occasional helper (such as a cleaning service or a babysitter) to free up time for other essential activities. If not, try to get assistance from a family member or a trusted friend.

Create morning and evening routines

Routines offer structure, especially for your kids. Start with a simple routine to ease into the day. This might include waking up at a consistent time, having breakfast, and preparing your kids for school. 

Wind down consistently each night, whether by reading to your kids, having a bath, or quickly tidying up the house. Set clothes for the next day at night to save time in the morning.

You can also dedicate one day a week to doing something together as a family. It could be something as simple as having a special dinner together, a weekend movie night, a walk to the park, or a mini outing.

Invest in a planner or digital calendar

Planners and digital calendars are invaluable tools for tracking tasks and appointments. Find the best system for you, whether it’s a paper planner or a digital calendar like Google Calendar or Outlook that syncs across all your devices. Color-code your events to separate work, personal, and kid-related activities.

In addition, use task management apps like Todoist, Trello, or Cozi to organize to-do lists, track progress, and collaborate with others (such as a co-parent or a babysitter).

Practice time blocking

Set specific blocks of time for different tasks. This is especially useful because it helps you allocate time for both work and home responsibilities while avoiding task overload. Schedule blocks of time for focused work, household chores, and other essential tasks, such as a time for your children where you are fully present.

How to be a single mom financially

As the sole breadwinner, achieving financial stability requires careful planning, discipline, and smart decision-making. Here are practical single mom tips to help you stay financially stable.

Create and stick to a budget

Start by clearly identifying your income and expenses. Know exactly how much money you earn each month, and account for any side gigs, child support, or other financial contributions you receive.

Next, track your essential monthly expenses, such as rent/mortgage, utilities, childcare, transportation, food, and insurance. Then, categorize your discretionary spending (entertainment, dining out, and clothing).

Once you have a clear overview, identify areas where you can reduce spending. 

For example, could you cut back on subscription services, cancel unused memberships, or find more affordable options for groceries and entertainment?

Lastly, build a budgeting system that works for you. You can use either a zero-based budget or the 50/30/20 rule.

• Zero-based budget: This method involves giving every dollar a job, ensuring that your income minus your expenses equals zero by the end of the month. This ensures you’re not overspending and helps you prioritize savings.
• 50/30/20 rule: In this system, you allocate 50% of your income to needs (housing, food, transportation), 30% to wants (entertainment, dining out, vacations), and 20% to savings and debt repayment.

Reduce housing costs

If possible, consider moving to a more affordable apartment. This could lower rent/mortgage payments and reduce utility costs. If that’s not possible but you have some extra space, consider renting out a room to generate extra income.

You can also talk to your landlord and try to negotiate alternative rent terms, especially if you’ve been a reliable tenant.

Cut grocery and household costs

Plan meals ahead of time, make a grocery list, and stick to it. Avoid impulse purchases and shop for deals. Take advantage of coupons, online deals, and store loyalty programs. Preferably buy non-perishable items in bulk (such as rice, pasta, toilet paper, and cleaning supplies). Explore discount stores like Aldi and Trader Joe’s or warehouse clubs like Costco for lower-priced groceries and household items.

Cut transportation costs

To reduce fuel and maintenance costs, use public transportation or carpool with a friend or neighbor. If you have a large vehicle that consumes a lot of gas, consider downsizing to something more fuel-efficient.

Pro tip: Regularly maintain your car to avoid costly repairs down the road and keep it running efficiently.

Take advantage of tax breaks

As a single mom, you are the primary caregiver for your child. Hence, you may be eligible for head-of-household filing status, which can lead to a lower tax rate.

You may also qualify for the child tax credit, which provides a direct reduction in the taxes you owe. In addition, if your income falls below a certain threshold, you might qualify for the Earned Income Tax Credit (EITC), a tax credit designed to help working low-income individuals and families.

Take advantage of government assistance programs

There are a variety of government programs designed to assist single mothers with everything from food and housing to healthcare and utilities.

• Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program (SNAP): Formerly known as food stamps, SNAP helps families in need purchase groceries.
• Women, Infants, and Children (WIC): WIC provides food, healthcare referrals, and nutrition education to low-income pregnant women, new mothers, and young children.
• Subsidized housing programs like Section 8 housing or public housing provide reduced-cost housing for low-income families.
• Medicaid and The Children’s Health Insurance Program (CHIP).

Building a support system

While you're doing an incredible job at single motherhood, no one should have to do it alone. Building a strong support system is essential for practical help and your emotional well-being. Here’s how to build and nurture a support system that works for you.

Open up to friends about your needs

Sometimes, it’s not easy to ask for help from friends, especially when you want to protect your independence. However, being open and honest about your needs strengthens and supports relationships. Friends might not always know how to help unless you specifically ask.

You are not burdening others by asking loved ones for help. Most friends are happy to lend a hand, and those who care about you would likely prefer you ask for support rather than try to do it all on your own.

You can also offer your friends help, even if it's in a small way. A give-and-take dynamic can strengthen your friendships and make asking for help less burdensome.

Join community organizations

Volunteer, participate in local events, and attend neighborhood meetups to build connections. It’s essential to surround yourself with people who are supportive and understanding of your life as a single mom. Seek local parenting programs. These may include childcare assistance, educational workshops, or family-friendly activities to help you meet other single moms.

How to be a single working mom 

The key to thriving at work and as a mother is creating strategies that help you manage your time, energy, and priorities effectively.

Establish clear boundaries between work and home life

Without boundaries, work can bleed into family time and vice versa. If you work from home, set specific work hours and communicate these boundaries to your children. Designate a particular area in your home for work. This helps you mentally transition between work mode and mom mode and reduces distractions.

During work hours, try to focus on tasks and avoid distractions. When work is done, shift your focus entirely to your kids. When you are with your kids, aim for quality, not quantity, as your presence is more important than the number of hours you spend together.

Prioritize and delegate tasks

Focus on what needs to be done, and try not to overwhelm yourself with everything at once. Depending on your kids' age, they can take on some responsibilities, like setting the table or helping with chores. Also, enlist the help of relatives or friends when you can. If you’re stuck at work or need a break, ask a trusted friend or family member to watch the kids for a few hours if possible.

Make time for yourself

Schedule "me time," even if it’s just 15 minutes daily. Whether you read, exercise, or simply have a cup of coffee in silence, carve out moments for self-care. Next, find a workout routine that fits your schedule and exercise regularly.

It’s easy to feel like you need to be perfect in both your career and your role as a mother, but that’s an unrealistic standard. Accept that some days will be more challenging than others and that letting certain things slide won’t be the end of the world.

Create a support system at work

Be open about your situation and what you need. A good employer will understand the challenges of single motherhood and will be willing to offer flexibility where possible. Cultivate relationships with colleagues who are also parents or understand the demands of single motherhood. They can provide valuable advice, tips, or emotional support when needed. Take full advantage of available benefits, such as paid parental leave, childcare assistance, or flexible working hours. If you're not sure what’s available, ask the relevant person in human resources (HR).

Discipline and raising well-adjusted children

Discipline is not just about punishment; it’s about teaching your child boundaries, responsibility, and self-control. It also means fostering a relationship built on trust and respect while providing the structure and guidance they need to thrive. Here are strategies to help you discipline effectively and raise well-adjusted children.

Establish age-appropriate rules

Children thrive in environments where they understand what is expected of them. Set specific rules for behavior that are easy for your child to understand. For younger children, rules might include “no hitting” or “we use kind words in this house.” As they grow, you can expand these to include rules about respecting personal space, doing homework, or helping with chores.

Prioritize boundaries around safety, respect, and kindness, and allow flexibility in other areas, such as personal preferences or leisure activities.

Be consistent with expectations

When your child knows that expectations are consistent and reliable, they are more likely to follow the rules. If you say there will be a consequence for a behavior, such as a timeout, loss of privileges, or a reward for good behavior, follow through with it. 

If your child spends time with other family members or caregivers, ensure you are all on the same page regarding rules and expectations. This will minimize confusion and reinforce the learning process.

As much as possible, try to avoid getting emotionally charged when disciplining your child, especially if you’re overwhelmed. If you need a moment to collect yourself, take a break and return to the situation when you are ready.

Reinforce positive behavior

Instead of general praise like “good job,” highlight specific behaviors. For example, “I’m so proud of you for putting your toys away without being asked.” This makes the praise feel more meaningful and reinforces the exact behavior you want to encourage.

To track positive behavior in older children, you can use a sticker chart, a points system, or other tangible rewards. Children can “earn” rewards for completing chores, homework, or displaying good manners.

Know when to seek professional help for behavioral challenges

Recognize early warning signs of behavioral issues. While tantrums are normal for younger children, persistent aggression or anger outbursts in older children may signal deeper emotional or behavioral issues that require professional attention. Speak with a therapist or child psychologist to provide your child with the appropriate support.

Likewise, if your child suddenly becomes withdrawn, loses interest in activities they previously enjoyed, or isolates themselves from peers and family, this may indicate anxiety or depression. If your child is constantly struggling with schoolwork, has trouble interacting with peers, or shows signs of bullying or being bullied, these are signals to look into further.

Taking care of yourself as a single mom

Self-care isn’t just a luxury; it’s necessary for your well-being and ability to care for your children. When you prioritize self-care, you are more likely to be emotionally available and present with your children. You will have the energy to listen, engage, and be there for them more meaningfully, strengthening your relationship.

Here are practical ways to take care of yourself as a single mom.

Exercise regularly

Find a workout routine that works for you, whether it’s a 20-minute jog in the morning, a yoga class, or dancing with your kids at home. Exercising releases endorphins, which naturally improve mental health.

Get enough sleep

Sleep is essential for physical and mental health, yet it’s often one of the first things sacrificed. Prioritize sleep by setting a consistent bedtime and creating a calming nighttime routine. Aim for 7 to 9 hours of quality sleep a night.

Eat nourishing foods

Add more fruits, vegetables, and whole grains to your meals, and stay hydrated. Balanced nutrition gives your body the energy to tackle the day’s challenges.

Practice mindfulness

Mindfulness practices such as meditation, deep breathing, or simple gratitude exercises can help reduce anxiety, improve focus, and increase resilience. Even five minutes a day can significantly reduce stress levels.

Set emotional boundaries

Learn to say no when necessary and recognize when you need time for yourself. Setting healthy emotional boundaries ensures that you don’t become overwhelmed or resentful.

Stay connected with loved ones

Make an effort to stay in touch with friends and family, even if it’s through quick text messages, phone calls, or video chats. Socializing with trusted people can alleviate loneliness, reduce stress, and provide a sense of belonging.

Seek support when needed

Don’t be afraid to seek help if you feel overwhelmed or struggle emotionally. Speak with a therapist or counselor to help you navigate your feelings and learn new coping strategies. Support groups for single moms can also offer emotional relief by connecting you with others in similar situations.

Pursue hobbies and interests

Hobbies allow you to express yourself and reconnect with your passions outside motherhood. Whether learning a new language, taking up photography, or working on a craft project, pursue hobbies that provide a sense of accomplishment and joy. 

Invest in your education

Consider taking online courses, reading self-development books, or attending workshops that align with your interests. Personal growth helps you build a sense of identity beyond being a mom.

How to be a happy single mom 

Create rituals and traditions

Simple, everyday rituals bring you closer to your children and create lasting memories. No matter how busy your day has been, take a few minutes each night to read with your child or have a chat before bed. On weekends, make pancakes together or go to the park. These traditions create a sense of togetherness, even when life is hectic.

Celebrate small victories

Acknowledge and celebrate little wins as a family. If you just finished a big project, mastered a new skill, or simply got through a tough week together, recognize these moments as a team to build morale and foster a sense of joy and pride in your relationship.

Don’t overburden yourself with expectations

You now have some useful insight on how to be a single mom. Remember, it’s easy to feel like you need to do it all, but in reality, perfection isn’t the goal. The most important thing is your presence and the love you give. There will be times when things don’t go as planned, and that’s okay. Your children don’t need perfection; they need you. So, don’t beat yourself up if things don’t go as expected. Embrace the chaos and make the most of it.

Recognize that it’s normal to feel overwhelmed sometimes, and give yourself grace. Your kids will appreciate a happy, balanced mom more than anything else

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